hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
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