Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
