planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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