God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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