you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
