we have pet lesbian snakes
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
