I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
