You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
