Already got asked if we're dating
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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