dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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