Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
