I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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