Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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