did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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