i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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