So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
