I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This baby is an asshole
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
