you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
