I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
