I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
