i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
