I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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