Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
