You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
