Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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