imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
