you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
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