Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
