you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
