oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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