My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he was CRYING into my vagina
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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