dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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