Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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