i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
