i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
