she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I could fuck to npr.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
