I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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