So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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