Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
