It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
