could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
