R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
it glows. i had to have it.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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