i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
