Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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