good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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