I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
