His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
