I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
