mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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