i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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