I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
