hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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